† -=Blood=- //\\// -=Rose=- †

i've been feeling like shit low emo for quite a while now. the kind where you wanna cut off all connections and shun yourself in a dark quiet place where no one can hear you cry.

thinking about it, it makes no sense. i wanna cut off connections, yet i want people to go like 'omg joel disappeared!' or smth like that. i didn't choose to want this.. er.. emotion thinger. it just.. argh i don't know what the hell is wrong with me. i wanna feel wanted, or needed. i suppose. is it a teenage-puberty-moodswing thing?

anyway, quite a bit happened after MSTs

in the first week of polidays (poly holidays), my environmental studies group had to go to west coast park to count the number of resident birds, study their behaviors and count their numbers, per species. we had to take readings at 7 in the morn and 6 in the evening.
after the morning takings, my group went to the mcdonalds while i threw my boomerang the first time in three years. yep, that boomerang has never flown until that day, since i got it three years back haha. came back only less than half the times i threw. lost touch with boomerang-throwing i suppose. it's been two years since i've thrown and the last time caused my old boomerang to go missing.. like a few others. hahahahaaaaaaa

when i went to mac, they were doing pbl and i was O_o-ed. shit. haha. i feel so useless. like the slacking-freeloading burden of the group. yup, freeloading and a burden. that's like double the uselessness. after a while, everyone gave up and we decided to watch a movie! went to Tiong and watched skyline. there was little storyline and more visuals.. and like how we're all gonna die.

went back and took readings at 5 instead of the supposed 6. i was against the idea as the readings would be inaccurate, but seeing how much as they wanna go home. oh what the heck.

and then that night

sing hai found wei xiang and i jobs as scholl shoe promoters throughout the weekends
throughout the 4 days working there, we felt like we're just doing CIP or it's just another one of those outings. i guess it's really the company of each of us that made us feel that way, without working with strangers.
after each day of promoting, which were 3 days, i did btwists at the entrance of the expo hall and had wei xiang record it for me! haha thanks! :)

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played dragonica throughout the second week. made an assassin and a gladiator, levels 34 and 22 respectively. it's no wonder i can't remember what i did in the past week (it's week 3, and last week of polidays now). see, the uselessness of games. i wish i spent all that time doing something more enriching, like self-training or at least something physical. argh. a good one would be my outstanding reports, which i've neglected until recently.

spent the christmas alone. literally alone. no one was home except myself and my two terrapins. they're in hiding as always and i was playing dragonica. could've went to a bar and hook up some chick instead. ....yeah right. haha
i felt completely like a loser-nolifer. staying at home on a festive day, on top of being a weekend evening! but that's what i do most of the time. i guess i am one then. :l other than training and playing computer (which i don't do so much now, but yet still do), i've.. really got nothing much to do. how do you get a life? hmm.. :l

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this monday. went to marina barrage in the afternoon and met up with my sec sch friends. a friend got my indoor boomerang stuck up on a glass roof. he was all wtf while i was just.. whatever. and went to play kite hahahaha. after playing, then i attempted to get my boomerang down. in the end, the thing i tried to use to get my boomerang down also got stuck. and someone called a guy to come get it down for me with his ladder. i wouldn't have mind my boomerang getting stuck up there if the roof wasn't transparent. oh, and i brought konnyaku jelly for them too. harjeet's mum's spaghetti was off the roof. i swear it's the most delicious pasta i've ever eaten. seafood pasta (prawns and squid) with cream. mmm.. i want more dammit.

and then it was time to say goodbye, had to leave early for coach eugene's last training with us! ):
it's so fast.. i still remember quite clearly the first lesson he had with us (my batch at least). he made us swing our legs in all three directions a leg is capable of swinging. taught us lun shou, 'wheel hand' literally, fan yao 'flip waist' literally, the stances, the chuan zhang 'through palm (?)' lol.

and remember clearly, that he told me the secret.. well at least the words that made me think how to get my tornadoes landed on both feet, to go at 45deg instead of the ugly 90.

told me that for btwists, you need to get the left leg over the right leg in the twist, but i never manage to get that right.

told me that for tornadoes or lotuses, you need to use largely waist power to kick instead, so you can get the 720 kind. and that you gotta train it by kick-lifting your leg, putting it back down in front of you without touching the ground, and kicking from there again.

told us that for whatever movement you do, get the back straight up again. which lead me to this: a routine is a string of fundamentals in harmony. because from 'straight up' position allows you to transition to another movement with ease. like in a game, you call it animation cancel. whereby you cancel the unnecessary movement and get on with the next one.

taught me that you can add a stab during double liao dao.

what he taught us, i'll do my best to get them all in my head permanently.

i'm so gonna miss his unique style of training.
his ability to apply wushu moves effectively, the 'what's it for's

who else can i get someone to explain to me in english and its applications, for whatever wushu stuff i need answering?! T~T

after 'saluting' to him (which i swear the reception was more alive that day), we requested that he perform stuff for us to see. although he has forgotten his routines, he performed the basics and made up stuff on the spot.

like he always said: learning and practicing the basics are important whereas routine alone is useless, as routines can always be choreographed any old day.

we'll miss you coach!
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tuesday, went out with some of the wushu peeps for mind cafe, and viola! coach eugene was there! haha. was kinda surprised when i got the message. after the session, coach eugene secretly paid for us and went off first. then yilun called coach and we thanked him over the phone. we then went to eat at neither burger king nor shen..shel.. this 'S' place, but at aciaone, despite after a long period of deciding and 'but's. haha

then went home after that. and then yesterday became today. yeah. did nth much the whole day. went to mr chan's house. emptied his fridge of a grape yakult, and his wallet of a double samurai upsized haha! :)

then, started on my chem eng report (finally) and cut onions for my dad. played dragonica for a real-time-less-than-5-mins before 'forgetting about it'. played DMC3 a bit. not like it matters anyway. it's game. games don't matter.

listening to 星の砂 (hoshi no suna), Gritty Stars, by gackt. it's a 3/4 ballad in piano that makes you feel at peace. it's a love song that makes you feel at peace. at peace, not being you are with your loved one, but with no one. so it's a sad love song.

oh now it's 虚無の中で遊戯 (kyomu no naka de yuugi), It plays in the nothingness (?), by Malice Mizer, lol i have no idea what it means. something in something.. heh. it's a gothic song of pure aria and piano.

and now, it's 月の詩 (tsuki no uta), Song of the Moon, by Gackt also. it's a 3/4 ballad in acoustic guitar and it's the sister song of 星の砂. it's a song of how 'i'm missing you' and 'how much i want you' after separation. another sad song. in the MV, he's an android with it's arm stuck in debris in a post-apocalyptic setting. the body of his dead loved one is right in front of him, but he can't reach her. in the middle of the song, he rips himself free and crawled to her. then just as he was about to reach her, he got shot in the head a few times (there was much recoil) from afar and the end was that he and the girl were facing each other. camera tilts to the sky to see halo, happy him and her perfectly fine in each other's embrace. the end. how touching.

okay bye.

argh it's Secret Garden now! another awesome song.

okay bye for real